How do we do that? With our own mouths!

I for one have been really good to proclaim negative thoughts about myself, my life; therefore, creating difficulties for myself as I place myself under them by my own negative words. We live by the very words of our own mouths, so the BIBLE says. I have always belived that, yet…still, I did not monitor my own tongue.

But since coming back from the Ranch I have been trying to do that, monitor my words, be AWARE of what I am saying. I am tired of creating laws God did not intend for me to live under. As I become more consciously (spiritually) aware (awakened), the less laws I create with this mouth of mine.

Examples: “I can’t win for losing”…”this weight just will not come off”…”I can’t afford that”…”I don’t have enough money to do that”…”I think I am getting a cold”…”If I had any brains”…”I can’t remember anything”…”I am so forgetful”……just for a few. I NOW call them ALL void! None of those statements are truth, but lies. I do NOT live under them any longer. I am healthy, I am smart, I have abundance in my checkbook to do things I need, and even things I desire, I am losing weight, and I AM a WINNER. I am ALL that I AM created me to BE.

How about you? Aware of some laws you have created for yourself? Time to void some of those self-made laws? Tired of the “hell” you have created with your mouth?

I cried, I laughed as I read it. In Walsh’s book says, “You got me all wrong” and in this book by William P. Young God says, “You do not know me at all.” I could not agree with any statements more than I do both of these.

You can find this book at

http://theshackbook.com/aimages/bookmarkad.jpg

 or it is available on Amazon.com.

May we all have our own personal “shack” experiences with God and/or “conversations” with God for a transformational experience that will cement our trust and faith in Papa God, Jesus the Christ and the Holy Spirit as the I AM in us.

Though my story is not the same path as this novel portrays, I have been on my own trail of healing; I have thrown a BIG rock into the lake sending out ripples reaching far into the recesses of my heart for the purpose of redemption of not one but many perpetrators in my life…and it brings joy and sunshine flooding back into your soul, your very being. It brings a freedom from carrying them around on your back 24/7; what a weight is lifted. It is painfully wonderful.

Dad told us some more stories from his growing up years…

We enjoy hearing Dad’s “stories” he tells us from his childhood, his youth and younger adult years. We found out today he had a nickname when he was a young man. Jerry said he had never heard this story before today. Some girls that liked Dad where he was working gave the nickname to him. I would like to know what in the world made them start calling by that name. Dad said he never told Mom that story so it would not upset her, so guess either it was when they were dating or after they had gotten married. I think I will start calling him that nickname when I see him; just to be funny with him and to see if we get any questions from Mom. LOL

He told about a boy where they lived when he was about 12 or 13 years old who was riding his bike past his daddy one afternoon. His daddy had gone out to the mail box to get the mail when this boy decided to spit on him as he rode past; for no reason other than he was just “plain ole mean” as Dad put it.

When his daddy got back to the house he asked Dad if he knew this kid and Dad said yes he did. So his daddy told him when he seen him the next day at school he had better beat this kid up or he was going to whip Dad. So next day, he beat this kid up.

When he got home he told his daddy he had beat him up as he had told him to do. His daddy looked at him and said, “You shouldn’t have done that.”

By this time his Dad had cooled off and was no longer mad about it. Guess he should have thought about his words before speaking them to his son, huh? Especially with a threat to whip him!

Dad loved to ride horses and he told us about a day him and a buddy was riding and they decided to do a trick like they had seen another guy do. His buddy did it first, and after seeing the out come of his doing the trick decided it best not to try it himself.

After getting the horse running at full speed, this guy would slide off to one side as he held onto the saddle horn, hit the ground with his feet, bouncing back up over the horse and doingthe same thing on the other side of the horse then bouncing back up into the saddle. Well when his friend tried it he hit the ground but did not bounce back up; he went a rolling in the dirt along side the running horse, end over end over end. Seeing how it turned out for his friend, Dad decided it best if he passed on trying it for himself. He said it looked kinda hard to do and not so fun.

He told us one the other day of the time Grandpa Harris, Mom’s daddy, got so mad at him and staid made for several days. They were just dating at the this incident happened. Mom had some Hoarhound candy (pronounced “whore-hound”) and she gave dad a piece of it to eat. He said he had never heard of or seen that kind of candy before, so he asked her what it was called. Grandpa got mad because he thought daddy was just trying to make her say the word “whore.” Boy have things changed in today’s world.

The ones of family memories are the neatest to hear.

Dad and Mom are so full of stories and we love to hear each of them tell their stories to us. Everytime we are together we hear at least one story. Usually several because something going on in our time will trigger a memory of a story of long ago in their past.

Dad has stories of his wrestling days, days and dark scarey nights sheep herding up in the high mountains all alone in a tent, picking cotton, potatoes, delivering milk, and working in the sawmills of Oregon, running irrigation ditches; not to mention the stories while in the Army. Mom has hers as well of helping to raise all her brothers and sisters, she came from a family of 11 children so you can imagine the stories, family picnics, vacations and loads of other family stories.

We all have stories, if you have lived, you have a story to tell with many tales.

Or so I thought I had…until one day four years later. I began hearing words in my head again; but, this time I wrote them all down. That was just the beginning. It seemed like when one would come, many would come to me, one right after another and I would steadily write poems for several days at a time.

A week or so later I was looking for more paper when, I grabbed a notebook I had laying around the house for years, to use for writing down some more poems. When I opened it there was the page I thought I had thrown away four years earlier and the words were almost word for word as the the first poem I had written this time. I realized God had tried to give this ability to me back then and I, in my self-hatred, rejected it. Thank goodness we are given second chances. I now have over 100 poems.

I had not written any more or drawn any more pencil sketches for over 2 and a-half years until two weeks ago, after visiting the Guadalupe River Ranch. This time I even wrote something like an article that just came flowing out of me about the feelings I felt and how I preceived things about the ranch during my visit there. I posteded that article to share with you a few days back. Today I am going to share my poem I was inspired to write during the same time I was doing the drawing, and wiritng the article; yep, I was working on all three at the same time. If I figure out how to scan the picture in I might be able to share it one day. I will see.

I want to write more, but they will sound so different from my others. I know, for I see things in life so much differently now then I did over two years ago. Life is so different for me, so much better. I do not go around projecting out to others rejection, self-pity and  self-hatred, as I once did. Nor do I walk around with my head hung down, nor think with a victim mentality as I once did. I feel so free within my spirit.

Finally, I have come to a full understanding of what living under God’s loving Grace trully means; how living under the two commandments Jesus the Christ gave to us is so freeing, so liberating to my spirit and soul. I can see now how, with Jesus as my role model, I ( and you) can do as He did and walk as He did, and when I mess up, I live under Grace and I KNOW Who loves me and has forgiven me. I may have a consequence to walk through, called karmic law, and when it has served its purpose it will cease. I do not live under the penalities of the old laws, but I do respect them. As long as I live under the two commandments Jesus the Christ gave to us to walk in I do not want to make the wrong choices connected to the old laws. I do want to obey Jesus’ commandments…to love God, and to love my neighbor as myself.

I like what I recently heard a modern day mystic comment about forgiving. He said, “I will not poison myself, my spirit with unforgiveness toward another person, I just won’t do it, I refuse to not forgive someone.” Wow! That was a pretty profound statment, one I will not forget.

Oh, did you see my new header background I downloaded? A precious friend and co-worker helped me to do that. It was really very simple. I want to learn how to put a video clip link next. So one of these days when you happen to pop in for a visit you will see that new link. Perhaps some links to recommended books to read also.

Here is the poem…ENJOY! (I would like to hear your comments on it, how it made you feel, etc. ) Thanks.

MYSTERY OF WIND

Wind upon my face so free,

Caressing, cooling, calmly be.

From where you came I will agree,

And to where you go is a mystery.

Invisible to the naked eye,

Felt in many ways as you pass by.

In rustling leaves we hear your cry,

Strong stormy strengths you can’t deny.

You are the force behind waves pounding shores,

Sending forming fogs floating over murky moors.

Within storms your mighty strength roars,

A gentle breeze over the prairie soars.

One cannot touch you, yet can feel,

Not tangible, but evidence is very real.

Your presence the soul of man can heal,

The Spirit within you is surreal.

© Written by Carol Ann Fields

August 24, 2007

…The Way, The Truth and The Life in Jesus the Christ; as we each will, when we diligently search.

Do you ever look at a person in the eyes and SEE the soul of God looking back at you? It is my desire to come to that very place with every person I make contact with each day. Then…perhaps criticisms, judgements, and condemnations of others will fade away and through God’s Grace I will be able to transmit His love to them instead . I desire God’s Grace, God’s Love in my thoughts, words, actions, and deeds to others. I guess that is desiring to have the mind of Jesus the Christ, to follow Him as He commanded us to do.

I will see five forward baby steps in my life; then the very next day or minute, I might see a giant step backwards. Crap! That tics me off at myself; but here I must give that same Godly Love to myself. This is the false ego I am wanting to see die as I come to a higher level of consciousness (awareness) of the LOVE God has for me. By living according to the only two commandments (Matt. 22:37-40) I have to live under that Jesus the Christ brought to us. I can do this! It IS attainable, Jesus the Christ was our model.

If I can live those two commandments that Jesus gave us, then the penalties of the old laws and karmic laws of sowing and reaping will become less and less as I sow into the positive realm more and more.

And those two commandments are what Paris and Lindsy need portrayed by them as well as poured into their lives by others. And that is LOVE!

I have relatives who have lived in the same place all their lives, raised their kids in the same town, never ventured past a few hundred miles of their home town, and their kids for the most part have done the same. To me they have missed a lot in life. But that is just my opinion. Then you have folks like my parents, and Jerry’s parents who moved around a  lot as we grew up and we did the same for the first 15 years of our marriage, until we moved to Magnolia.

Guess that is why we both took to traveling so well when he fell off the roof of a two story house breaking his hip and arm in 1987. We had to change occupations and within a few short weeks we were on the road working in Malls. We traveled for 7 seven years and loved it. But after our grandchildren began to come along we decided to settle down back here in the Houston area in 1994. Wow! We have been in the same area for 17 years, and the last 14 in the same house we bought in 1998. We are setting some records here people (for us)!

But the point is we still have people we met on our journies and some we still talk with by phone or email and reminiesce about experiences we shared with them. Not to mention all the awesome country we saw and experiences we had along the way. So looking back we would have missed a lot of things, many people, awesome places and some incredible experiences had we never moved around or went on the road to work. We have many great pictures to look at over and over again, and a postcard collection of all the places of interest we visited to go along with the pictures we personally took. To those who like adventure it would seem boring to stay in one place for a lifetime; especially IF you never got out and went any where.

As I said, we have been in the same place for 14 years and I miss traveling. I wish we were “on the road again.” If we had a way to make a living I would love to take off and do a planned working trip all over the USA and see all the places of history and interest, experiece all we could experience, and meet all the new people we could meet in as many new places as we could possibly go to. It might take a couple of years to accomplish all that I would like to see, do and visit, but it would be worth it. I would keep a journal and document each person, place and experience to the best of my ability.

And an added plus…I would get to be with Jerry every day all day long. I enjoyed being with him 24/7 when we traveled those seven years and I miss not being with him all the time now, even after 18 years have gone by. I would take it back in  heartbeat. Now I settle for riding with him on long road trips he makes taking mudlogging trailers to oil rigs in south and north Texas and up into Louisiana. I go with him on the days I am not working at the church. We talk and talk and talk, and laugh a lot. We go different routes to see all we can see going and coming.

Wanna hear about a few of our traveling experiences soon?

As you know from my last blog article Jerry and I spent a grand weekend at an awesome ranch with about 20+ people for meditation and contemplation…well, I came back with an inspiration to do a drawing of the scene before you as you sat in the swing over looking the river and valley below, I wrote a poem, and the article of the last blog about the ranch. I have not written a poem or drawn in over 2 1/2 years. It felt good. They may not be a Rembrandt or Robert Browning, but it felt so right. I will try to attach the poem at the end for you.

Fear…doubt…what crippling thoughts! I want to be rid of those two things in my life. They keep me from fulfulling what God gave me to do (writing and drawing) because I fall into agreement with them, whether that be consciously or unconsciously. FREEDOM! That is where I want to be…free to BE.. FREE to be the true Carol God created me to BE…which is Him expressed through me, who I AM. To use a new term I learned from Ernie today…Totus Dues (God through and through). So how am I going to accomplish this “God through and through” me? Well, to be quite honest, I can’t but do one thing…let it go and just BE!

My youngest daughter Penni, she is so cute…always says this to me if I say “I will try…”; she says, “Triers, try; doers do.” So I will not say I will try, but I will say my intentions are to do it…just ”let it BE.” I feel that my intentions will be inline with God’s intentions for what He intends for me. When I let it BE, then God’s intentions can come through and He will be expressing Himself through me. Of course He always IS anyhow, how can that not be…He/Spirit is apart of me/Spirit and I am a part of Him, as each person on this planet IS. God and I are one, as you and God are one, and we are ALL one Spirit through Spirit. Like waves in an ocean, yet not THE ocean itself.

Hope you like this poem I wrote:

MYSTERY OF WIND

Wind upon my face so free,

Caressing, cooling, calmly be.

From where you came I will agree,

And to where you go is a mystery.

Invisible to the naked eye,

Felt in many ways as you pass by.

In rustling leaves we hear your cry,

Strong stormy strengths you can’t deny.

You are the force behind waves pounding shores,

Of forming floating fogs over ghostly moors.

In storms your mighty resounding rage roars,

A gentle breeze over the silent prairie soars.

One cannot touch you, yet can feel,

Not tangible, but evidence is very real.

Your presence the soul of man can heal,

The Spirit within you is surreal.

© Written by Carol Ann Fields

August 24, 2007

Here are my words and I could add many more experiences…but will not, not at this time. Enjoy!

       THE GUADALUPE RIVER RANCH 

One will find at this secluded well hidden Guadalupe River Ranch a sanctuary; a place for embracing spiritual, mental and physical rejuvenation; a reservoir of wealth in spirituality at one of the most restful and serene settings created by God, placed in an area to the north of Boerne, NW of San Antonio, TX. 

Strategically built on top of a high bluff far above the tops of the trees below; the main house, once acclaimed home of actress Olivia De Havilland who starred in “Gone with the Wind” sits silent clothed in an elegance of beauty showing off the native stone excavated from the very land it is a part of. Its stately warmth beckons one to enter and become a part of its charm of yesteryear.  Still, after decades and a “sentinel on guard” appearance the old house continues its “watch” as the swift flowing Guadalupe River far beneath follows the banks on either side carved out by centuries of violent pounding, crashing flooded waters; gazing over acres of pastoral green pastures beyond the far bank dotted with recently cut and baled rolls of hay permeating the air with its sweet fresh scent of cut hay. One can hear the rhythmic heart beat of…peace…love…peace…love…peace…love and feel a strong vibrating energy of consciousness when entering its door. 

Over head, an ocean of blue sky littered with white downy clouds becomes the stage of an unusual ballet of beauty being performed by thirty and more of the worlds least considered pleasant to look at bird, black “Buzzards.” Yes, the detestable carnivorous scavenger, caught up within an invisible vortex of wind, gracefully circling as they spiral higher and higher, in unity as though they were one. An unexpected perception; a new paradigm is grasped for one of the least appreciated and the most misunderstood bird.  

Here is a place that woos your spirit, radiates a consciousness of LOVE and PEACE, compels one to seek a silent secluded spot for a time of meditation and contemplation amidst nature and the animals and feel the oneness. Inviting you to taste of the 4th dimension; to “KNOW” and “EXPERIENCE” I AM by sitting on one of many stone benches placed here and there over the grounds; or sit in a swing hanging from the roof of the wooden deck jutting out over a bluff with the view of the river and valley below while feeling the breeze of the wind caressing your face, blowing through your hair. One can gain a sense of collective consciousness in the seclusion of the rocking chair sitting in residence by the fireplace inside of the old one room native stone cottage that can lay claim to its roof covering sod and grass; built to house visiting priests who came to the ranch of long ago. Taking a leisurely walk out to the point to sit on a huge rock that, like a lighthouse, sits far above the river giving its guest a spectacular panoramic view for as far as the eye can see is a pleasure not to be overlooked. One may prefer to sit on the private wooden balcony of your own room; swim in the cool crystal clear water of the ranch’s swimming pool; sit beside a water pond occupied by Kio of every size darting to hide beneath a lily pad or one of the many plants providing them sanctuary from the sun, cold or a dangerous predator waiting to pounce. Of course one may meditate while fishing at the nearby pond as they throw a hook into the water; and always there is the simplicity of a pleasant leisurely stroll upon the many paths and walkways meandering in all directions around the grounds between stately old oaks boasting clusters of Spanish moss as they cast shade underneath for any seekers of reprieve from the sweltering heat of summer days. 

When coming for a visit to the Ranch, you will find “a haven of rest,” a “secure” place to just BE. You will experience a LOVE that bathes your inner being and a PEACE that no man can provide nor understand. You will leave BEING more than when you arrived. Memories are created that will forever be within, will remain a part of, will return home with you. Yet, you will leave a part of yourself, your consciousness that will forever BE, forever be a part of the ranch, intermeshed, as one, along with all collective consciousness’ who have traveled here before you and those who are still to come.  

One cannot come to this tranquil resting place, spend time BEING in the collective consciousness of this place and leave without an AWARENESS there is MORE, so much MORE waiting to be discovered; to become, to be reached, to BE! Or not KNOW that you have been in a perfectly safe setting free to “trust the process”, a place to “Be still and KNOW I AM GOD” and KNOW you have met Spirit face to face within; you have communed, been and become, are one with all of “WE”.

Jerry and I, along with 20+ others who are on this mystical journey together as a community, will get to meet Suzi this weekend at the Guadalupe River Ranch, NW of San Antonio, for a weekend of meditation, contemplation and relaxation.

Jerry and I are taking our fishing gear and plan to throw a hook into the Guadalupe with the hopes of catching a BIG fish. Hope they are biting; the BIG ones that is!

We will leave early in the morning, pick up a friend who is riding with us, have breakfast, then on to Boerne (pronounced Bur-ney) arriving at about 12:00 or close to it.

I anticipate returning, after 50+ hours of meditatiing and contemplating prayer, not at the level of Consciousness I am at now, but higher still, more awakened, much more aware Consciously within my Spirit (the Kingdom of God within).  I anticipate that for ALL who are going to be present this weekend.

I will not be posting again until Tuesday…see you then!

He has seen me through a lot of crap over the years, through struggles, through healing, through letting go of hurts, hate, anger, rage from my childhood years. He has stood by my side loving me, holding me as I cried from a bad dream, or just from all the memories…letting me talk, expressing what I could not as a child. He of course had a period of struggling also with what had hurt his wife. But together we have conquered and overcoming so much; together as one. He is the most precious human to me, he is my heart one might say.

Jerry is, in actuality, my hero…Let me tell you about the day of the Fighting Fields Family episode…Yeppers, the whole family was in on it. Not proud of it, but it did happen.

We, along with our soon to be son-in-love, Paul, were on an outing celebrating Paul’s birthday; having a grand time, we were.  We had stopped at a convenience store to use the restroom. As we were driving up to the store there were two men on horses, of which one was chasing a car trying to hit the driver. By his actions and mouth he appeared to be in a  great state of intoxication. But…as I said nature was calling, so went ahead and parked.

Upon coming out of the ladies restroom, I walked by the red car we had parked by to get into the back of our truck. Standing by the car was a young lady; who was very pregnant. The horseman who had been chasing the car upon our arrival was berating and cussing at her in a very loud, foul and vulgar language. He even addressed me about her…but will not repeat his horrible words. I just frowned at him walking on to the back of our truck.

The young lady started apologizing for his vulgarity, I turned to her  and said, “Please, don’t apologize for him, he is just a wimp”. OOPS! That did it! He started yelling in a rage at me, “Who is a wimp?”

 With Jerry’s help I hurriedly climbed in the back of truck, not looking at him, thinking if I ignored him he would go away.  I was just beginning to set down when I heard a noise; looking over the side of the truck, I saw Jerry on top of this man holding him down on the pavement and the man had three cuts on his face. I was quite shocked and could not figure out how they came to be there on the ground, in a tussle; I thought Jerry had gotten in the truck after me.

Apparently the man had climbed off his horse and was coming after me when Jerry got between the man and me…and the fight began. I did not even see it happen, it was so quick. Jerry was just trying to hold him down, to get him to stop, but the man kept on fighting him; he would not give stop fighting so Jerry could let him go.

In the midst of it the man kicked Jerry in the ribs. Big, big mistake…Jerry already had two broken ribs from a recent motorcycle accident. This man, not only attemped to attack the wrong man’s wife; he had just kicked the wrong children’s daddy and wrong wife’s husband. We were on him like a duck on a June bug. All I will say is…that man had to have woken up the next morning and said, “What the hell happened to me, I feel like I was trampled by my horse.” He still refused to stop!

Finally, his friend, who he would not listen to, jumped on top of him in front of Jerry (the guy was trying to fight his friend now)  yelling for us to get out of there before he released him. So we high-tailed it out of there pronto! 

I sit here and ask the question, so what was the purpose of that day’s happening, what ”for?” Knowing what I do now; that everything comes into our lives for a purpose and is “for” something and been a part of bringing us to where we are today; I would say, it changed something in my heart for my husband, a knowing I had never had, a higher respect for him as a man, as a protector, if necessary. He became my Hero for sure! I have never lost that “knowing.” But I hope never to have to see it in action, and by the Grace of God, I won’t.

Today, I look back and see God’s Grace,  divine protection with each of us; though we were not aware of it at that time. There was a gun involved at one point (someone shot it up into the air to try to get that man to stop trying to fight with Jerry, who was just trying to hold him down until he did stop) , and it could have ended differently had anyone acted in any other way that afternoon. I can see many places God’s Grace perserved us, the young lady and including the man on the horse. Things could have ended in a tradgey, but by God’s Grace.

Now, I own a “Knowing” that God’s Grace and Mercy is always with us, in every moment, every instance. No matter what comes my way. No matter what happens in life, God is ever within me, within you. We are all IN I AM, ALL one in God. God can’t be less than a Hero to me Spiritually as Jerry is to me in the natural realm here on earth. We are having this human experiece together, as One, with God and with each other.

I LOVE my two Hero’s.