I did not like to read poems until one day…

I had a tablet in my lap, a pen in hand as I began hearing these words rolling around in my head. I wrote them down; but then I realized it was the beginning of a poem and I made myself stop…saying “Carol, you aren’t a poet, you have never written a poem in your life and you don’t even like to read them…so I threw the paper away.

Or so I thought I had…until one day four years later. I began hearing words in my head again; but, this time I wrote them all down. That was just the beginning. It seemed like when one would come, many would come to me, one right after another and I would steadily write poems for several days at a time.

A week or so later I was looking for more paper when, I grabbed a notebook I had laying around the house for years, to use for writing down some more poems. When I opened it there was the page I thought I had thrown away four years earlier and the words were almost word for word as the the first poem I had written this time. I realized God had tried to give this ability to me back then and I, in my self-hatred, rejected it. Thank goodness we are given second chances. I now have over 100 poems.

I had not written any more or drawn any more pencil sketches for over 2 and a-half years until two weeks ago, after visiting the Guadalupe River Ranch. This time I even wrote something like an article that just came flowing out of me about the feelings I felt and how I preceived things about the ranch during my visit there. I posteded that article to share with you a few days back. Today I am going to share my poem I was inspired to write during the same time I was doing the drawing, and wiritng the article; yep, I was working on all three at the same time. If I figure out how to scan the picture in I might be able to share it one day. I will see.

I want to write more, but they will sound so different from my others. I know, for I see things in life so much differently now then I did over two years ago. Life is so different for me, so much better. I do not go around projecting out to others rejection, self-pity and  self-hatred, as I once did. Nor do I walk around with my head hung down, nor think with a victim mentality as I once did. I feel so free within my spirit.

Finally, I have come to a full understanding of what living under God’s loving Grace trully means; how living under the two commandments Jesus the Christ gave to us is so freeing, so liberating to my spirit and soul. I can see now how, with Jesus as my role model, I ( and you) can do as He did and walk as He did, and when I mess up, I live under Grace and I KNOW Who loves me and has forgiven me. I may have a consequence to walk through, called karmic law, and when it has served its purpose it will cease. I do not live under the penalities of the old laws, but I do respect them. As long as I live under the two commandments Jesus the Christ gave to us to walk in I do not want to make the wrong choices connected to the old laws. I do want to obey Jesus’ commandments…to love God, and to love my neighbor as myself.

I like what I recently heard a modern day mystic comment about forgiving. He said, “I will not poison myself, my spirit with unforgiveness toward another person, I just won’t do it, I refuse to not forgive someone.” Wow! That was a pretty profound statment, one I will not forget.

Oh, did you see my new header background I downloaded? A precious friend and co-worker helped me to do that. It was really very simple. I want to learn how to put a video clip link next. So one of these days when you happen to pop in for a visit you will see that new link. Perhaps some links to recommended books to read also.

Here is the poem…ENJOY! (I would like to hear your comments on it, how it made you feel, etc. ) Thanks.

MYSTERY OF WIND

Wind upon my face so free,

Caressing, cooling, calmly be.

From where you came I will agree,

And to where you go is a mystery.

 

Invisible to the naked eye,

Felt in many ways as you pass by.

In rustling leaves we hear your cry,

Strong stormy strengths you can’t deny.

 

You are the force behind waves pounding shores,

Sending forming fogs floating over murky moors.

Within storms your mighty strength roars,

A gentle breeze over the prairie soars.

 

One cannot touch you, yet can feel,

Not tangible, but evidence is very real.

Your presence the soul of man can heal,

The Spirit within you is surreal.

    

© Written by Carol Ann Fields

August 24, 2007